A few years ago I was pulled over by a cop. Let me set the scene: I had been drinking and smoking weed Didn’t pay car registration for two years Didn’t have proof of insurance Weed on full display on my passenger seat Empty beer cans/bottles quickly hidden under the seats And that sour stench […]
Read More I Don’t Want To Smell Like Mayonnaise – shit sponge“I don’t like all the gay people here. I mean, why do they even want to be on a Disney cruise? Why would they want to be around all of these kids? I just don’t like it. It doesn’t feel right.” – family member At that moment, I realized they were numbingly uncomfortable being away […]
Read More Shit Sponge #5“You have to get over it. You have to just let it [depression] go!” William Zabka (aka Johnny Lawrence from Karate Kid) A couple of years ago I went to see a band I know play and the singer was friends with William Zabka. You know, the ‘bad guy’ from the Karate Kid. Apparently, the […]
Read More Shit Sponge #4 (Cobra Kai Edition)“Just smile. It is scientifically proven that smiling makes you happier. Maybe that will help your sales!” – Employer If smiling helped I wouldn’t be where I am right now, fuckface. If all of this shit was about feeling ‘happy’ I could easily find a way to cope. I am told too often how […]
Read More Shit Sponge #3“Josh! Turn off that ‘spear chucking’ music!“ – Father I heard this EVERY TIME I put a rap song on when I was younger. Evangelical leadership at its finest. Father of the year? Nope. Just fucking racist.
Read More Shit Sponge #2“Josh, your marriage to your wife is ‘null and void’ since you denounced god because it was a bond/commitment between all three.” -Brother Thanks bro. We will miss him during sex too. He loved it in the ass.
Read More Shit Sponge #1